A letter to you

Early morning got such call really freaked me out.The uncontrollable me hit the wall twice. Ouch again i felt the pain. I totally lost control and still at the situation of struggling with my emotions. Why will happened? Am i still dreaming. It's raining day but I'm awake at 7.30am with such news. Anger,worry,frusfrated, heart broken.....well you name it i think it's all in me. Blasting songs the entire tutorial and already told some of my friends not to talk 2 me. I did cried a few times in the class silently. Sorry if I freak some of you all out. My hand is freaking pain that time as well. I hardly hold a pen and write a prefect sentences with my hand. I also hardly hold my hand into a grip. But all these is nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

A letter to you,


I don't know how 2 start this so called letter that you might not see it at all. Somehow this is my feelings and words from my heart. I don't know what makes you did such silly stuff. I don't know what cause you to have such thinking and decision in life. Do you know that you still young? Do you really think of the consequences? Do you know that such action of yours hurts everyone that cares about you alot? I hope to ask you, do you still love your parents and siblings? Aren't i told you before anything can just give me a call and talk to me? Do you know I cried because I think i did need to take part of the responsibility for your act now? I have neglected you recently, I admit I'm wrong and sorry.


My feeling this morning if you are right in front of me is I do really wish to give you a hard energize slap. Just hope it can wake you up. Is there no one that really managed to understand you? Is there really no one you can talk to without any limitation? Sorry my role as a cousin sister didn't played that well. What kind of friends that makes you changed or did they taught you to do so? No matter what we say now is useless. But part of me hope that you will really can think like an adult,maturely....i know it's so impossible. Family and studies are the two matters that I hope you will bare in your mind. I hope someone or something will just open up your polluted eyes of your's towards you current friends. Their influences really changed you. Not to say blaming them but hope some limitation of things that can do with friends you will know about it.


To be honest after saw the event you created it does makes my anger back. Celebration? Is that really something worth to celebrate with. Are you really that naive? Do you think we scared of you, so waving the white flags? You are blinded and lost. Like other problematic teenagers. How I wish to hug you and hope you can know all of my feelings and words I wish to talk to you. You misused my trust not once. You makes me felt disappointed not once but I still loves you my lovely cousin brother.We grew up together and hope you still have the bond in you. I don't hope anymore changes in you. I don't hope anymore stupid and unpredicted action of you again. I LOVE YOU.

-the end-

Disappointment.Betrayed.The special bond as a family that keeps me never give up on you no matter how even though i did wanted to.

p/s: special thanks to my friends for all the concern. Sorry if I did freak you all out this morning. Hearted you all.